It starts innocently enough. Your 4th grader is busy doing his homework when he calls you into the room. He’s having trouble with a math problem and you gladly help clear it up for him. But that one question leads to another and another, and before you know it you’re sitting right next to him, pencil in hand. Math moves on to reading; reading to writing, and so on and so on. You’re doing his homework with him. The next day his teacher reviews his work, sees that he’s done it correctly, and moves on to the next topic. But has he really learned the material?
If you ask teachers, most, if not all, will say they do not want parents helping with homework. Answer a quick question? Sure, but sitting with them through the process and making sure everything is done correctly is not what teachers want. Homework should be a reflection of what a student does and does not know, and this does not include parental help.
It’s a lesson that took me a while to learn. If my son showed me his homework and I noticed an error, I instinctually wanted to point it out and explain the correct answer. But I’ve come to realize that the wrong answers are something his teachers really need to see. Wrong answers help teachers set the pace and curriculum for a class. They also help them gauge where a student is at and what he needs to work on.
When a parent contacts me about a tutor for their child, I make sure we discuss exactly what the tutor’s role is. I explain that the tutor is not there to do a student’s work for them, but rather to guide them and give them strategies for succeeding. Just like a parent should not be providing the correct answers to homework, neither should a tutor.
I know there are parents who disagree with the notion that they be hands off at homework time. They feel it is part of the parental role to teach their children and help them whenever they can. I understand that point of view and used to embrace it as well, but after discussing it with many teachers, I now see the importance of letting my child’s work stand on its own. And by no means do I completely ignore my son when he’s doing his homework. If I can help guide him a bit, I do, but providing the answers is something that I’ve learned is not beneficial to him or his teachers.